Brittany Schell
Professor Broadous
PAS 113B
21 February 2012
Love and Loss
August 25, 2008. It is my first day of high school. I picked my outfit out the night before because I was so excited to be a freshman. It is 6:30 A.M., Monday morning. I woke up extra early to curl my hair and to make sure my make up was done to perfection. As my mom drove me to my new school for these next four years, I could not help but think of the new adventures I was going to embark on. It is now 7:45 A.M., I just got to school and already see plenty of new faces. Today I would meet new teachers, new friends, and of course new boys. As the day carried on, I would catch myself day dreaming of how day one of cheer practice would be. Would the girls on the squad get along? Is my coach going to be nice? More and more thoughts continued to race through my head. Thank goodness the bell rang for lunch. I walked into the courtyard to meet up with my BFF Cindy. We have been best friends since the 6th grade when I first moved here from Sacramento. She also made the cheer team and that made everything 10 times better! It is now 2:55P.M. My first day of school is officially over! Practice started in 30 minutes. Cindy and I hurried and changed. As practice went on I noticed the football players watching us. I don’t know if I was enjoying the attention or if I thought they were the biggest pervs at this school! But one did catch my eye. I knew I had to meet him, but I just don’t know how. As a few months flew by I still didn’t make my move on the cute football player. It was now December, and that means basketball season. After my game ended I walked over to the snack bar to help my favorite teacher out during the Varsity game. After about 10 minutes of serving parents and students, I could hear someone talking to my teacher. As I looked up, my heart began to race. I could not believe my eyes. “Hey I’m Antonio.” I could feel myself getting chocked up. My palms are sweaty too, but without thinking I stuck out my hand and said, “Hi I’m Mia.” I didn’t smile or even sound enthusiastic about meeting him. Later he approached me again and he started to flirt. We exchanged numbers by the end of the night. Since that night we were inseparable. He is all I need. April came and it became official. My mom continued to tell me that older boys only want one thing. I don’t believe her because inside I know he cares more than that. I knew he was not a virgin, but I didn’t judge him. It is now four months into our relationship and “it” finally happened. Four days after my 15th birthday, I no longer have my innocence.
September 15, 2009. I am now a junior and yes I am still with Antonio. I noticed he is more controlling then before. Antonio is going to a junior college in town. He is even on the football team. September 29, 2009. I’m late. “I’m late, my period hasn’t come yet.” Cindy looked at me with confidence and said, “It’ll come eventually, you took Plan B right?” I nodded. “See girl there is no way you are pregnant!” As I walked to 6th period I continued to tell myself I’d be fine. One week later and I still had not gotten my period. Antonio came over so we could take a pregnancy test. As each minute passed I continued to check the stick until finally after the longest 5 minutes of my life I seen it was positive. I burst into tears. My whole body began to tremble. “I want an abortion.” Antonio looked at me and replied “whatever you want, we’ll do.” Antonio called a clinic and scheduled my appointment, but the catch is that I have to be at least 1 month to get the surgery. I already was feeling guilty for pursuing an abortion, but then to have to wait an entire month made it that much worse! Night by night as I lay in bed my curiosity for this child grew. I would catch myself rubbing my belly and thinking of baby names. Motherly feelings took over and I no longer want an abortion. I just don’t know how to tell Antonio. As the abortion date came closer, I called and rescheduled it. October 6, 2009. I have rescheduled my appointment three times already. Antonio and I are fighting over an outfit I wore to a costume party. I can’t take his controlling antics much longer; I mean I am pregnant with his baby! I leave his house in frustration and send him a text that says, “I’m keeping it so you can stay the hell out of our lives!” I finally let the truth out. Later that night my phone began to ring. It’s Antonio. I hit ignore, but eventually gave in. I got in his car and we began to argue. “Of course I would want a kid to play catch with, but it won’t be like that. We will not be financially stable. I would be working two jobs, probably drop out of school, and we both know you would have to live with me because your mom will kick you out.” All I heard is, fantasy: Yes let’s keep it, reality: We will never make it. At that moment I knew I was going to follow through with the abortion. I am going to do it for him. He can finish college and make something of his life like I know he can do.
The date is finally set. I have to miss a day of cheer tryouts, but I can’t put it off any longer. I am already three months pregnant. November 18, 2009. Today is the day. Antonio picks me up and we head over to the clinic. Of course as we pull in, a protester is standing out front. He looks me in the eyes and shouts, “love your baby, mom! Love your baby.” I want to leave this place, but I can’t find the strength to just get up and walk out of this waiting room. As we wait I don’t say a word, I just let the tears fall down my face. Every time a nurse walks out to call a name I pray that it isn’t mine. “Mia.” A nurse called. My prayer wasn’t answered. December 1, 2009. Antonio breaks up with me. I can’t believe he left me so easily like that. He says it is because I haven’t been the same. I wonder why! My heart was broken after the abortion, but now I feel like there’s nothing there. December 31, 2009. My friends continued to beg me to go out, but I had never gone out with just friends before. I did not want to go until I received a phone call that night that Antonio is out with another girl. I start getting ready immediately and I plan to run into him at the party and make it seem like I am perfectly fine. It is now midnight, and I kiss a total stranger in front of Antonio’s friends. This year I plan to be the biggest player this town has ever seen.
By May I had slept with 8 guys. I can’t keep up with my actions. I found out from a friend that the most recent guy I hooked up with had Chlamydia. I have never been so disgusted in my life. All that popped into my mind is that I had hooked up with Antonio once before ever knowing about the guy having Chlamydia. So to make matters worse I have to tell Antonio what is going on. Once I told him things got really ugly, but I got him to come to the clinic with me to get tested. May 18, 2009. Ironically it has been exactly 7 month after the abortion and I find Antonio and myself at the clinic getting medicine for the Chlamydia. He wasn’t saying a word to me. I looked him in his eyes and said, “You deserved this.” That was the last thing I ever said to him. October 23, 2010. I am getting sick of this town. Everybody knows everybody. My reputation was getting tarnished. Tonight I am going to a Halloween party. I am already sick of the guys here, but at the party I met someone. He was different. His name was Derek and I knew I wanted him. To my surprise he was not like the rest. He was shy, kind, and loving. He is nothing like me at all. As months progressed we grew fond of each other. We were total opposites and maybe that’s why we clicked. Being around him made me feel happy again. I don’t want to play this one. What I have learned about him is that he is a mama’s boy, he’s thoughtful, he’s 19, he’s never had a girlfriend, and he’s a virgin. I never thought about dating again but if I was going to date anytime soon, I would definitely try to love again with him.
